You Get to Decide
DTBG4 Diamond Sponsor Guest blog written by
Sara Weston, Founder | 911der Women, Inc.
This past month I posted this quote by Jen Pastiloff, “I am not your idea of me. I am my idea of me. And I get to change my mind. As much as I want.” This came after a conversation with a dear friend who was choosing to allow other people’s opinion of her to define her. I did what most of us would do. I said, “hold my beer” and launched into one hell of a pep talk. The kind of pep talk we are so often amazing at giving to others when really, we should be giving it to ourselves. If we are so capable of providing insightful, inspiring, incredible perspective to our friends, why do we constantly struggle with negative self-talk? Why do we let other people define who we are when we are, in fact, badass warriors with dragons to slay? I don’t have the answers, I struggle with the same thing. But today is the day that you are going to hear this message; nobody gets to tell you who you are. You decide.
Two years ago this December, I founded a nonprofit called 911der Women (pronounced nine-one-wonder women). Our mission is to strengthen and support the women of 911, while elevating the profession and providing tools and resources to 911 responders. I felt the calling and a passion for this work like nothing I had ever felt before. Before 2019 I had zero aspirations of being the founder of anything, really. That was the year my best friend Wendy lost her battle with cancer at 36 years old. When she died, my journey of grief walked hand in hand with this intense and absolute need to do something. That something slowly materialized into 911der Women, Inc. I had no idea how to start a nonprofit, how a nonprofit operated, or what programing was needed in the 911 space. I didn’t understand the accounting, the invoicing, the marketing or the fundraising. All I knew was my “why”, and that “why” now ran through my veins. Wendy did not get to decide, but I sure did.
The 2019 version of me was quite lost. I didn’t have a handle on the woman that I was. Over the past three years I was an open book, a girl without boundaries. I handed out my trust like candy in a parade. Looking back at that version of me, I wish I could give her a hug. I want to tell her to put her blinders on and keep going, I want to tell her that she is not other people’s idea of her. I spent the past two years growing, changing my mind about who I was, seeing myself in a different light. I learned that permission to change wasn’t going to come from anyone but myself, and thank god I decided to grant that permission.
As this nonprofit grows, I grow with it. I grow as a leader, as a learner, a colleague, a friend. I learn that there will always be times when we want to quit the hard stuff. It’s hard! But I learn that we can do hard things. And that wanting to quit doesn’t necessarily mean it’s time to quit, but rather it’s time to step back, take a deep breath and reevaluate. We need time to think. We need to revisit our “why”. We need to come back to our mission. Otherwise, we get lost in the noise of other people’s opinion of us. And just like noise, I’ve learned that other people’s opinions will become quieter, but will never go away. So, I try to keep this in mind: you, and only you, are responsible for the person you are becoming. I like phrasing it that way as opposed to “the person that you are”. We only “are” in this very moment. But if we instead focus on who we are becoming, we can do things like invest in ourselves, prioritize training, have hope that tomorrow can be better because of choices we make today. Yes, we decide that we are becoming the best version of ourselves, every single day.
People often ask me how I keep going when it all seems like too much. But it only feels like “too much” when I worry about opinions; you know, that thing that everyone has. I take time, recenter, come back to my mission, to my “why”. I don’t let judgment cast a shadow on the way I see myself. That is a dark and stormy place, I know from experience. It’s much easier said than done, but it starts with you. You get to decide to take responsibility. Responsibility for your actions, for your mistakes, for your success, and for making the next right decision for yourself. Grant yourself the grace necessary to overcome the guilt and shame. Give yourself this gift: The only person you need to worry about being better than is the one you were yesterday. We need to accept that we aren’t everyone’s cup of tea and that’s okay. Your power lies in being unapologetically you, using your voice to stand up for what you believe, and in encouraging others to do the same.
I hope that two years from now I’ll read this blog and send today’s version of me a hug for different reasons.I hope to continue growing and learning so I can continue to grow 911der Women with the same organic spirit in which it was created. I hope we can both grow with a community of badass superheroes behind us. Actually, I have more than hope. I’m certain this will happen because I get to decide. And so do you.